


how to get your goat

by ang3lba3



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Bro was an abuser and Dave acts like he was, M/M, Sexual Assault, Smuppets, except so not canon dear god help me, so canon basically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-06
Updated: 2016-09-06
Packaged: 2018-08-13 07:52:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7968523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ang3lba3/pseuds/ang3lba3
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave is lost in the woods. What happens next is likely to surprise you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	how to get your goat

**Author's Note:**

> so I wrote this for day 3 of the 30 day monster boy challenge: Satyr. it was the first thing I managed to finish in two weeks, so I can't quite make myself sorry for it in any capacity. even though its basically a shitpost. thank you to cinnamonstrous (ao3) for the title, and to vriskasnerket (tumblr) for doing the challenge with me in the first place.
> 
> on tumblr at [this gorgeous blog ;)](ang3lba3.tumblr.com)

Dave whirled at yet another soft touch on his shoulder, heart pounding.

“I know you’re out there, you sick bastard!” he called, shivering. “You get off on this? You hard right now, jerking off behind a goddamn tree like the creeper you are?”

 _Language, Dave,_ a voice that sounded suspiciously like Rose’s said in his head. He didn’t care. He’d been in the woods for five hours now, more lost by the second, always within sight of the end of the treeline and always heading back into the same goddamn meadow.

The meadow was picturesque, had a little bunny hopping around in it with a baby’s bonnet on its head, porcupines with little balls of styrofoam stuck on the end of each individual quill, men in squirrel costumes made of actual living squirrels standing in a circle and chanting to the dark gods.

Maybe picturesque was the wrong word.

Dave doesn’t allow his body to start to think he’s safe this time, knowing that one more jumpscare and he was going to pass right the fuck out from exhausted fear. He was just grateful that he hadn’t pissed his pants yet.

“Hey, lil man,” a voice said and fuck - fuck he didn’t think he could be scared but he was _wrong,_ because that was Bro’s voice and he spun around with a wretched gasp.

“What the fuck are you supposed to be?” he asked, gaping at the little monster in front of him. It was shorter than him, which was saying something, probably not more than four feet tall. He wasn’t sure why he kept saying it - or maybe he kept saying it to try and distract himself from the massive, disproportional erection hanging between the goat-man’s furry legs.

“Your worst nightmare, bitch,” the goat-man said, and the furry, unassuming face of an animal whose skull was commonly used as a Satanic symbol morphed, stretching. The dull herbivore teeth grew jagged and yellow, the flat and almost human looking tongue split into sharp, forked tendrils that crawled between the fangs. It raised what could roughly be called a hand and as Dave watched in horror, bones split through the speckled fur and flesh hung off in jagged strips, twisting, _cracking,_ finally settling into a clawed monstrosity that Dave didn’t have a frame of reference to assign a likeness to.

With the hand it reached down to the turgid, now throbbing, and all too human looking erection, fisting it with a guttural moan. Dave stumbled back when he realized the thing was pointing the dick at him, tripped over a rock trying to get away and landed flat on his ass. It took a step forward, and then another, stroking all the while and then-

Purple and red and orange and yellow felted objects exploded one after another, rocketing off in Dave’s face and smothering him with their impertinent asses, phallic noses and impudent buttcheeks becoming the only thing he could see. He was drowning in them, and this was how he always knew he would go, buried to death in a pile of endless smuppet.

“Dave! Dave!”

“AHHH!” Dave screamed, jerking upright, forehead colliding with the person shaking him.

“Fuck! Fuck you! See if I ever - God, fuck, that hurts! See if I ever wake you up from a nightmare again you piece of shit!” Karkat yelled, cradling his nose. Blood dripped out from under his palms and down his bare chest.

“It was just a dream,” Dave gasped. “Just a dream.”

“Get me some tampons, you asshole, I think you might have broken it,” Karkat said. The words came out smushed and nasal, like Sollux had taken over his voicebox. _Get me thome tamponth, you ath-hole._

**Author's Note:**

> on tumblr at [this gorgeous blog ;)](ang3lba3.tumblr.com)


End file.
